Introversion. Also, boys.

>> Monday, November 28, 2011

They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder. I hope they’re wrong, for my own sake. But that’s all I’ll say on that.
After a season of turning outward, of doing things externally, being more extroverted, the other end of the teeter totter is slowly dropping. My life of extremes is a balance, just over time. Perhaps it’s the colder weather heralding a time of hibernation. All I know is that my desires turn more than ever towards self-reflection, imagination, quiet activities and solitude. I must keep from getting too lazy, though. Physical therapy seems to be getting harder and I weaker, so I will do my best not to neglect my physical training completely in the face of a growing pile to to-be-read books, drawers of creative projects, vocal music, my guitar, meditation, Asian food, and a full queue on Netflix.
I’ve completely busted NaNoWriMo this year (again), but I have written more this month than usual, so that’s something. Though no excuse, the boy-drama in my life this past month has been very stressful. Not used to having to deal with the male race except on a professional (medical) level, re-entering the dating world was an exciting and shocking experience, and still is. Normal girls grow up with male friends near their own age and at some point down the line a few show interest in her as more than a friend. She might date a few guys and she learns through the years something of what to expect or at least a more specific view of what she wants. I didn’t have that, I had books, rats, an empty house and multiple diseases. So here I am, having learned innumerable lessons about life but few about love. But I’m learning and better late than never, I suppose.

4 comments:

ariandalen November 28, 2011 at 9:27 PM  

If it helps any, I didn't have a date all through junior high and high school. I went to all dances/proms by myself, except for one big society ball where everyone had predetermined dates who didn't know each other beforehand. I didn't have the medical complications you did; however, I had three strikes against me: I was smarter than most of the boys, I was taller than most of the boys, and I was fat.

Things changed in college. I still didn't go on lots of dates, but I did meet my husband there.

Granted, there are people who would say I was never "normal." ;)

LihuaEmily November 29, 2011 at 5:52 AM  

I think it takes time for everyone. I didn't have a boyfriend for the first time until last year, when I was eighteen. And it really is tricky, especially when you're a multifaceted and intellectual person with a lot of particular interests and ideas, to find someone you really, really like. And yes ... it's just plain crazy sometimes when you are part of the dating world. Much love, as always.

Becca November 29, 2011 at 6:55 AM  

We Fiends certainly are a strange bunch, huh? Emily, I get what you're saying about the multiple interests and pursuits. It's hard to find someone who respects that and also has some interesting things going on for themselves. I may not go to school or have a job, but I have multiple things going on in my life that are important to me and a lot of them are solitary pursuits. So a clingy person is not going to work out for me. Unless, of course, I'm the one doing the clinging ;)

LadyDraconix November 29, 2011 at 1:24 PM  

First of all, yay! You're posting again!

So on to the meat of the post! ;)

Dating is a tricky thing - no matter what perspective you're bringing to it. A few things that hadn't come up in our weekend conversation came to mind in response to your post:

1. I think that every person has different levels of personality that they make available to people on different levels of relational intimacy.

2. We may think we know what we want - but often life can show us possibilities and combinations that we didn't know existed - which may turn out to trump what we THOUGHT we wanted. I think it's always important, therefore, to stay flexible and open (which you can be very good at).

3. Though the books we read may dramatize the living daylights out of boy-girl relationships, there is some truth there as well, otherwise we would find them unrelatable, so don't discount your reading entirely. There are some good basic concepts available there, especially in terms of friendship and finding who and what you need where you least expect them/it.

4. I may have had quite a few male friends, but the impression I was always given was that I was "one of the guys" which didn't really lend itself to boosting ego related to any kind of dating prowess. I didn't date until I was a senior in college. And then I married him. So lots of dating experience isn't necessarily required to get things to work! ;)

You'll figure it out, and you're the only one who can, because in the end, relationships are interpersonal and therefore almost impossible to give completely generalized advice for. Enjoy the unique experiences!

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