Dessert

It’s back to checking glucose levels, giving myself insulin shots and worrying over food choices. The Solumedrol (super Prednisone) infusion yesterday really hit me hard. I’ve been feeling icky ever since. Lots of pain, nausea, tiredness but also restlessness from the higher blood pressure and glucose levels.
I got a little bit of exercise today. Mum and I spent an hour or so at Hobby Lobby looking for some art project materials to distract us. I got some watercolor and drawing supplies. I hope Mom makes use of them, too.
That’s about as much as I did for exercise besides a bit of yoga in the morning. My legs have been giving me some bad pain all last night and today and I’ve got a headache. Otherwise I would have spent some time in the exercise room here at the transplant house.
Reading about how Treya handles her diabetes in “Grace and Grit” I am feeling more inspired about managing all this until things go back to normal (blood sugar goes down).
It’s hard because all I want to eat are desserts, onigiri and Spirutein shakes. The shakes are okay, the onigiri in moderation, but, oh, the desserts! I’ve never really liked desserts but steroids have changed all that. It’s been very hard to ignore all my cravings but I want to do everything I can to make myself as healthy as possible.

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Summer Shorts

I’m so glad I’m reading “Grace and Grit” by Ken Wilber and that it came into my life when it did. Treya’s journey in many places mirrors mine or teaches me a lesson that I was trying to figure out.
Today I put on one of the new pairs of shorts I bought. They are around three sizes bigger than what I was wearing last summer and yet they were still too small. My stomach has been more distended the past couple of weeks and then there’s the general swelling and, of course, the Prednisone. I’ve gotten fatter all over, though not heavier on the scale. For the first time in years I have arm flab. Part of me is glad about this after all the time spent worrying about being too skinny and now eating enough. The other part of me gets scared of staying this size or getting fatter. Yes, I’m at a healthy weight and my stomach will be swollen for awhile yet and I’m on Prednisone. I don’t like how I look at this size and as for how others think of my looks…well, I just want people to see me at what I judge to be my best. Or at least acceptable. Really, I just want to be comfortable in my own skin. I also want to present myself as someone who practices what they preach (i.e. a healthy lifestyle for mind, body and spirit). I want to overcome this fear and leas a healthy lifestyle out of honesty, not fear.

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